Social media handle (Instagram/Twitter): @michaeljpittman
So there’s this thing that some women do, encouraging men all around the world to take up running.
They make men responsible for their insecurities.
This is a problem.
A man can tell a woman that she’s pretty. A man can listen to a woman’s feelings. A man can even do both, if he’s smart. What a man cannot do is convince a woman of something that she doesn’t believe herself. Insecurities are not man’s responsibility–they’re God’s.
Men can become great husbands and excellent fathers. But they will always be terrible gods.
Let’s unpack some common differences between men and women. Many women desire affection, gentleness and attention; women like to know that they’re loved. Don’t get me wrong, men want that, too. We all crave a lil’ lovin from time to time, but ultimately men value respect. Men feel most respected when we feel in control.
The futility in giving men the responsibility for a woman’s insecurities is clear. Control is a product of competency, and nothing will make a man feel more incompetent than carrying a burden that belongs to God. If a woman expects a man to fix her insecurities, both parties lose. The woman is dissatisfied and the man feels disrespected. To a man, no respect equals no love.
A lack of love and respect in a relationship can be detrimental. Your insecurities might be the very thing that makes him scoot! Some courageous men will fight your insecurities as if your life depended on it, but you must recognize what you’re doing to him. Are you asking your man to love you at his expense? He can fight all you want him to, but mentally your insecurities will win. Losing this fight will make him question his ability to meet your needs. He may start to question:
“Can I do this?”
“Am I a good man?”
and some men will even wonder, “Will someone else love and respect me better?”
We’ve addressed the problem, but I wouldn’t leave you without a solution. What if we all took our insecurities out of the hands of our significant others and put them into the hands of God? After all, it was God who put your insecurities there.
Does that surprise you? It shouldn’t. Your insecurities are given to you by God, to bring your closer to God, to ultimately be used for God.
The Bible offers several illustrations of God’s sovereignty over insecurities. To name a few: Moses had a speech impediment, Jonah ran from God’s call, Gideon was fearful and Sarah worried that she would never bear children. The illustration that I relate most to is of Paul and the thorn, in 2 Corinthians 12.
Your insecurities have a purpose.
2 Corinthians 12:7 “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh…”
Yikes. So let’s say your thorn is an insecurity. For many women, this could be weight, marital status, height, skin color, hair grade… anything really.
Ask yourself this: “How am I doing with my pride? If not for this thorn, would I be self righteous? Would I even feel the need for God?” If the answer is “Eh.. maybe,” then that’s probably why God has given it to you. If the answer is “Well… I honestly think that I’m okay in the area of pride,” then maybe God wants to strengthen your character for something bigger. Let James 1:2-4 serves as a source of encouragement or motivation:
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Your insecurities bring you closer to Him
2 Corinthians 12:8 “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.”
Paul pled with the Lord because it was the Lord that gave, so it was only the Lord that could take it away. He didn’t just plead once either. By praying consistently, he formed a dependency on God.
Your insecurities may be burdensome and painful from a worldly perspective. But from an eternal perspective, isn’t it worth it if it makes you more dependent and intimate with God?
It’s not about you.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Paul’s thorn had purpose. It was given to tame his pride. Pride builds walls and burns bridges. A thorn will give your ministry and purpose substance and credibility because it brings your message from a place of humility. Honestly, how many people would you be willing to help if your life was perfect?
Your insecurities have purpose when you hand them to God. Remember that God is our provider in all things, and that He can give you more than anything or anyone can offer.
As always, I welcome respectful comments, questions, and opinions. Love y’all!