Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

In 130 days I’m getting married, and a friend recently asked me why I love my fiancé. I wanted to share a deeper perspective on Amanda and I’s relationship, so before I answered why I love her, I had to first explain to him the reasons I don’t love my future bride to be.

I came to two conclusions:
First is, I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the outside. I know. It sounds cheesy, it sounds sappy. This perspective is not a novel idea by any means. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t love you for what’s on the outside. I love you for what’s on the inside.” But that brings me to my second conclusion.

I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the inside either.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things on the inside and outside that I love about Amanda. Here’s a short list.

1. On the outside, she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.
2. She has soft, almond shaped brown eyes.
3. She has gorgeous, versatile hair that can be really curly sometimes and smooth and straight other times.
4. She’s a beast at make up. She does it in a way that enhances the beautiful qualities that she already has, without being too overbearing.
5. She has a smile that can light up a room and brighten anyone’s day.
6. She values health and fitness and this shows through her wonderful figure and physique.

Guys are visual creatures, and it’s refreshing to know that I have an incredibly beautiful woman that will be my wife one day.

But it doesn’t stop there because on the inside, she’s exponentially more valuable.
7. She loves God more than anything else, and her relationship with Him is what she values most.
8.She is always looking for opportunities to serve others. Last week, I had a long week at school, and when I walked into my room, she had straightened up, she was making my bed, and she greeted me with a really big hug. It doesn’t get better than that.
9. She values the importance of a positive mindset, which encourages myself and others around her during times of trials and difficulties.
10. She is someone with purpose in mind. She doesn’t want to live an ordinary life. She wants to live a life of significance, not for her own recognition but to truly spread the love of Christ and the gospel.

Amanda is awesome. Seriously. I couldn’t have asked for a better teammate.

I love these things about her, but this is not why I love her. As I said before, I neither love her for what’s on the outside, nor do I love her for what’s on the inside.

I love her because I choose to.

In 130 short days, I will be Amanda’s husband. And at that moment, I will have a big responsibility on my shoulders — to love my wife as Christ loves his church.

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 

So I thought about the love Christ has for me and the rest of His church. It’s unconditional on what I have done and it’s unconditional on what I do in the future. When I accept Christ, I’m in his family. Romans 8:38 tells me that nothing can ever separate me from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate me from God’s love.

So just as Christ loves the church unconditionally, I as a husband will have to love my wive the same.

And let’s be honest. Christ doesn’t love me for what’s on the outside and he doesn’t love me for what’s on the inside either.

Honestly I’m not good enough.

In fact, no one is good. In Luke 18:19, A ruler questioned Jesus, saying, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone.”

And so if God doesn’t love me for what’s on the outside, and if I’m no good on the inside, then why does He love me?

Because He chooses to.

It’s not sexy. It’s not flashy. It’s countercultural. But God’s always choosing people. Whether it be Old Testament or New Testament, the Bible is jam packed of people that were chosen by God.

In Isaiah 43, God says “You are my witnesses,…,and my servant whom I have chosen”

In Ephesians 1, I learned He chose me “in Him before the foundation of the world.”

In John 15, Jesus says “You did not choose Me but I chose you.” 

So what my love boils down to is not Amanda’s beautiful brown eyes, Amanda’s positive mindset, or the fact that she is incredibly good looking. My love boils down to a choice to pursue a covenant relationship with her and only her. By choosing Amanda, and saying “yes” to her, I’m also saying “no” to everyone else.

My marriage vows won’t say “I’ll love you through sickness and health…as long you keep working out, and stay below this weight….and  keep your hair long….and remain gentle and genuine.”  In 30 years, Amanda and I will look different, act different, and be different than we are now at the age of 21 and 20 years old.

Things change. But my marriage vows won’t. They’re modeled after the love of Christ, and His love is unconditional.

But Michael, what if she goes crazy

What if she cuts off all her hair?

What if her heart of gold turns into a heart of stone?

Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter. I gotta love through it. When I commit to a covenant relationship in 130 days, I’m committing myself to a choice to love without conditions.

That’s how Jesus loves me.

And if you don’t know Christ, I encourage you to explore what it means to have a relationship with Him. He is the truest example of love that we have.

I love you guys, and I’ll talk to you soon.


428 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

  1. Reblogged this on Out Of My Head and commented:
    Okay. This has to be the most amazing thing I’ve read. Gives you a fresh perspective and new understanding on what love is.
    I always wondered how you decide on one person to spend your life with. What if you meet Someone better? Prettier? Hotter? Generally more attractive? What happens when you change. When the other person changes?

  2. I agree with everything spoken of in this article, and I enjoyed the read. But i have a question.

    What happens if Amanda doesn’t feel the same way about you? Or what if her feelings for you disappear over time? How would someone deal with something like this?

    I mean, I try every day to love my woman and give her my all… But there’s sometimes a part of me that thinks, “what if someone with a personality like mine came by, — coupled with a better income and even better looks– what is it that stops my “Amanda” from moving on?”…

    Maybe it might seem as if my relationship lacks trust? But I suppose I’m asking for some advice

    • If you read the article, then the same applies to everyone and not just the men. You have to trust that your woman is going to give you the same kind of love and that is where trust comes in.

    • Bbs4life. Truth is that that possibility will always exist. Marriage is a risk. But so is business, driving , swimming and even eating. U cannot live and love without risking else you will never get married. You just have to love ‘Amanda’ and give her your best and trust Jesus to keep your marriage till death do u part

  3. Loved your read, But from the little I know, writing it down is a giant step to achieving but not to be a pessimist. Easier said than done, when the one whose heart was gold turns to stone, It becomes extremely difficult to love. Even in Corinthians the bible stated certain conditions that satisfy love, “being kind, patient, keeps no record of wrong and so on. If those conditions are not satisfied trust me. Love will fade.

    Bottom Line- Love is work.Hate it or love it , Still got to do it or get fired!

  4. Reblogged this on MysteriesofLove360° and commented:
    Howdy Beautiful You. So, I came across this piece and decided to share because its a beautiful piece and reflects what’s in love chapter about Love being a choice. This is a guy’s perspective and it’s refreshing to hear a guy say such things….. We can all learn from it and begin to know more on what love is really all about….and finally because ‘to share is to Love. :-)

  5. This is beautiful … However, we choose our partners based on practical things like, attraction, interests, compatibility. I would suggest that a marriage works when two people have the aforementioned and ‘love on’ each other daily. Couples should talk to each other, laugh with each other, disagree but respect each other’s thoughts, make decisions together. Here is a Biggy… Make new friendships together!.

    Couples must accept the reality of things changing; that may include body, looks and opinions however, couples should agree to work though their difficulties.. Additionally make a commitment to yourself and partner to look after your body and look the best and most sexy for each other…

    Remain connected to the most high God and read the scriptures. Pray together..

    This will keep any marriage strong..

  6. Pingback: Why I don’t Love My fiance | Glowing Scenes

  7. Reblogged this on Bukky's Blog and commented:
    I couldn’t have read this and not share. Every unmarried person, hoping to be married someday should read this. With this mentality, who born divorce? Love is a choice afterall…

  8. Oh Michael! Thanks for sharing this. With this mentality, i daresay divorce does not stand a chance.
    God bless you marriage and may He give you the grace to do all you have proposed in your heart to do!
    And I’m reblogging too.

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  12. Very nice, I have always been of the opinion that we could love whoever we decided to and because of the singular reason that Love is a choice

  13. This is amazing!!! Now i know the difference between loving some1 for a reason and choosing to be with some1 just bcos ur heart choose to. If only pple can understand dis, we won’t have too many broken homes or marriages. Great write-up, Cheers!!!

  14. This is amazing. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever read. I wish you both happiness and courage in the path you have chosen.

  15. This is such a gorgeous piece, never have I heard a simpler and yet very well thought through and properly put reason to love another.

  16. Pingback: Why I Don’t Love My Fiance - Straight From The Lab

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